Do Not Let Desperation Make You Prey

The moment you need something too badly, you become vulnerable to people who know how to exploit that need.

If you have ever watched how sharks respond to blood in the water, you understand the principle.

Something vulnerable enters the water, and suddenly there is attention.

There are people who operate in a similar way.

They are natural hunters. They pay attention to weakness. They notice desperation. They notice when someone is starving for affection, validation, companionship, marriage, attention, or simply someone to say, "I choose you."

And when they recognize that hunger, they know exactly where to strike.

That does not mean wanting love makes you weak.

It does not mean wanting companionship makes you foolish.

It means desperation can make you vulnerable.

And vulnerable people can be exploited.

Imagine someone who has told themselves, "I am getting married this year."

Now imagine that person has become so focused on reaching that goal that almost anyone who comes along begins to look like an opportunity.

The standards start moving.

Someone who barely meets the bare minimum suddenly looks acceptable.

"They do not hate me."

"They are not terrible."

"At least they are willing to commit."

"At least they are not going to take all my money."

We start negotiating against ourselves simply because we are afraid that if we reject this person, another person may never come.

That is dangerous.

Because the desire to be chosen can make you ignore whether the person doing the choosing is actually good for you.

Think about something as simple as renting out your home.

If you owned a house and were looking for a tenant, would you simply hand someone the keys because they smiled nicely and said they needed somewhere to live?

Probably not.

You would investigate.

You would ask questions.

You would check references.

You would verify their employment or income.

You would look at their rental history.

You would want documentation.

You would want to know who you were allowing into your property because you understand something very important:

Not everyone deserves access to what you have worked hard to build.

Now think about relationships.

You are not giving someone the keys to a house.

You are potentially giving them access to your mind, your body, your finances, your emotions, your family, your dreams, your vulnerabilities, and years of your life.

That requires even more discernment.

Yet sometimes we investigate a tenant more thoroughly than we investigate the person we are considering giving our entire life to.

That makes no sense.

In cybersecurity, there is a discipline known as threat hunting. Threat hunters actively look for vulnerabilities, weaknesses, unusual behavior, and potential paths into a system.

People can do something similar.

They learn your patterns.

They notice what you crave.

They figure out what makes you afraid.

They discover what you are willing to tolerate.

They learn what you cannot live without.

And if someone has bad intentions, your vulnerability can become their entry point.

This is one reason learning to love yourself matters.

And loving yourself does not mean shutting everybody out.

It does not mean becoming cold.

It does not mean believing everyone is dangerous.

It means understanding that access to you should come with discernment.

You can have an open heart and still have standards.

You can want marriage and still say no.

You can want companionship and still walk away.

You can be lonely and still refuse to settle.

Because sometimes the loneliest decision you make today can save you from years of suffering tomorrow.

I understand the pressure.

You look around and it seems as though everybody is moving.

Someone is getting married.

Someone is having children.

Someone is buying a house.

Someone is going back to school.

Someone has become a successful content creator.

Someone has millions of followers.

Someone seems to have figured out life.

And suddenly, your own life feels like it is standing still.

That comparison can create desperation.

You start thinking, "I need to catch up."

But catch up to what?

Whose timeline are you running?

There is something we often forget when we compare our lives to everybody else's:

There is a process.

There is preparation.

There is growth.

There is hard work.

There is waiting.

And sometimes, unfortunately, the waiting period is longer than we wanted.

But that does not mean nothing is happening.

Sometimes the waiting is building the person who will eventually be able to handle what they have been asking for.

Do not force yourself onto somebody else's timeline simply because you are afraid of being left behind.

Because rushing toward the wrong person just so you can say you have somebody is not progress.

It is postponing a different kind of pain.

People often say a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

I agree.

But sometimes, a broken relationship is better than a broken engagement.

And sometimes, not dating anyone at all is better than dating someone who slowly destroys your peace.

Because when you enter a relationship with the wrong person, you do not simply walk away with a breakup.

Sometimes you walk away carrying pain.

You carry fear.

You carry shame.

You carry mistrust.

You carry lessons you never asked to learn.

That is why your intuition deserves a seat at the table.

Not every feeling is intuition, and not every uncomfortable feeling means someone is dangerous.

But when something consistently feels wrong, do not automatically silence that feeling because the person looks perfect on paper.

Sometimes everybody around you sees the stability.

You see the potential.

They see the picture-perfect couple.

But something inside you keeps whispering:

Something is not right.

Pay attention.

You do not have to prove your concerns to everybody before you are allowed to leave.

You do not need a courtroom case to justify protecting yourself.

And you certainly do not need to stay simply because your family, friends, or society think the person is "good enough."

This is not Daniel in the lions' den.

You are not required to walk into a dangerous situation simply because everyone else thinks you should be able to handle it.

Some lions are not meant to be tamed.

Some doors are not meant to be opened.

Some relationships are not meant to be salvaged.

And some people are not meant to have access to you.

So please, think about yourself.

Not selfishly in the sense of disregarding everybody else.

Selfishly enough to remember that your life matters too.

Your peace matters.

Your future matters.

Your mental and emotional well-being matter.

Your body matters.

Your time matters.

Your heart matters.

And the fact that you desperately want something does not mean you should accept the first person willing to give you a version of it.

Do not let your hunger convince you that anything on the menu is worth eating.

You can want love without begging for it.

You can want marriage without rushing into it.

You can want companionship without lowering every standard.

You can be alone without being lost.

And you can wait.

Because the goal is not simply to find someone.

The goal is to find someone who deserves the access you are giving them.

So vet carefully.

Pay attention.

Ask questions.

Watch patterns.

Listen to your intuition.

And above all, never become so desperate to be chosen that you forget to ask whether you should choose them.

Because you matter first.

At least, in my theory, you should.

Meme Wilder | Story | Truth | Purpose | Drive