If Everyone Can Influence You, No One Can Truly Trust You

One of the biggest relationship problems people rarely talk about is this:

Some people don't have a mind of their own.

Every opinion they hold depends on who they spoke to last.

One friend says one thing.

Their family says another.

A coworker adds their opinion.

By the end of the day, they've completely changed their mind.

If you're dating someone like that, you're not dating one person.

You're dating everyone they allow to think for them.

Advice Is Good. Manipulation Is Not.

There is nothing wrong with asking for advice.

Wise people seek counsel.

Wise people learn from others.

But there comes a point where you must think for yourself.

Advice should help you make a decision—not make the decision for you.

When someone accepts every opinion without questioning it, they stop living their own life and begin living everyone else's.

Flexible People Think. Manipulated People Follow.

People often confuse flexibility with being easily influenced.

They're not the same.

A flexible person listens, reflects, and makes a thoughtful decision.

Someone who is easily manipulated simply accepts whatever they're told because they don't trust their own judgment.

One is maturity.

The other is dependency.

A Relationship Needs Two Minds

A healthy relationship is built by two people.

Not two people and a committee.

Family and friends can offer wisdom.

They can point out blind spots.

They can even protect you from making terrible decisions.

But they should never become the voice that replaces your own.

At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your decisions.

Not them.

Don't Become a Garbage Bin for Opinions

One lesson I've learned is this:

You are not a garbage bin.

You don't have to collect every opinion people throw at you.

Listen.

Think.

Question.

Reflect.

Then decide.

Not every opinion deserves a place in your mind.

Some advice is wisdom.

Some advice is fear.

Some advice is projection.

Learn the difference.

Build Yourself Before You Build a Relationship

If you find yourself constantly changing based on whoever you're around, take time to work on yourself before pursuing a relationship.

Learn your values.

Know your principles.

Develop your own judgment.

Relationships require compromise, but compromise should never mean losing the ability to think for yourself.

The healthiest relationships are built by two emotionally mature people who can listen to others without surrendering their own minds.

Word for the Wise

Listen with an open mind, but don't leave your mind so open that everyone else begins to think for you. Wisdom considers advice. Maturity chooses carefully. Your mind is one of your greatest assets—protect it.

— Meme Wilder